| It's been a long time since I last updated this blog. Feel like this is just up since, I am just bored with my life and want something to entertain me. It's for a change since I usually take surveys, or even facebook note to make my time worthwhile. But as the days come by, I feel like facebook is getting boring, friendster is coming close to being boring, msn is boring and the whole net is boring, which is not helping when I'm bored. Now I found another past time, either I play my worthy Sims game or I read books from the library or I study or sometimes ok erase sometimes a lot of times I spend my time talking to cdc forum. I just don't know what to do when bored, who wants to read university books when you're bored? It'll all be weird to do so. Speaking of university, I thought I was just adjusting to this really hard first year of college but unfortunately, I am not that close of loving university. Demanding schedule, lots of time to read blah blah blah, I am only in some kinda "has been" university college and now they come as full university but still having a hard time. What more if I'm going to some prestigious university! Plus the nagging doesnt help, it doesnt help! Who would want to hear an endless rant about how lazy I am which is really the opposite since I work my ass off and every possible way of my capability! I just hate the fact that I have parents that have a freaking too high expectation of me when I can only reach enough of my ability and not the level they wanted me to be. It's really hard when my brain can only reach a level, not to the highest level. What I don't get to is that fact that it's not even my fault to everything and I freaking get the blame. Parents, I dont know how to react anymore, I am numb already!*sigh* Moving on, it's been two months since my cousin died. I know I am counting. I've been dreaming about him lately. One was about something I totally forgot, the other was very clear to me. The second dream was more of a consolation (atleast on my dreams). When I dreamt of him last night the situation was very happy. I dreamt that He gave my cousin back to us in another human formation, but the twist it's still him. The point is he wasnt really dead. I dreamt of him hugging me and joking about the usual joke we do. I can clearly see his face, smiling at me and also laughing on his jokes. On some part of the dream I don't know why but I felt like what I feel right now while I'm typing and that is I was aware on my dream that he's gone forever. I was thinking is he trying to tell me to move on and stop crying on total random time? Is God telling me it's time to let go something He offered to share and be happy that I had the chance to have my little share on my cousin's borrowed life? Maybe or maybe He is trying to tell me that he's happy wherever he is. One thing is for sure, I miss you Kuya Chy, thanks for granting my prayer and coming in my dream once in a while and making me smile. I love you.=] So it's Sunday today, I did the usual thing the family do, go to church. Father Mario's homily for this week is about the love of God and how we should love Him above all things. He even said that love has three forms, eros, philia and agape. Eros is the kind of love you feel when you find that special boy/girl out of nowhere and say "I love him/her". It's a kind of love that is just because it's automatic. For example, you love your parents since they gave you what you want. To wrap it up Eros is the kind of love that is very conditional, it can change. Philia is the kind of love you feel on a friend. It's a kind of love that can only last when time permits, when distance permits. It means that you having a friend now doesn't mean that you will love that friend forever. It means when distance is the hindrance to love, love fades away. I kinda feel like this with my friends. We were friends, but not anymore. Agape is the unconditional love. It's the kind of love that you chose to have. It's like saying "I choose you out of so many that I have love before". It's the "I love you because you are YOU" kind of love. Out of those three I guess the kind of love that I have for someone is agape. I choose to love him even though we have so much indifferences, even though sometimes I shed tears. I love him even though he wasn't the guy who I ask Him to give me. I love him because I chose to love him. So much with this blog.. I gtg. =] Go Canucks Go! xoxo, gello |
